It’s been eight full weeks since the Love Island villa opened its doors.
And in that time, we’ve watched, rapt, as no fewer than 36 scantily-clad hopefuls tottered, sashayed and barrelled their way across our screens. Some made their mark, some barely registered, some had us tepid under the collar, while a select few had us at boiling point. So, in the wake of last night’s grand finale, we’re waving adios to Love Island’s 2019 contestants in spectacular style with our inaugural ‘Love Island Awards’. So who’s a winner and who’s a loser? Let’s find out…
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Amy cried, a lot, and with good reason. Anton – who was constantly at pains to reiterate how much he “doesn’t cry on the outside world” – cried pretty much whenever anyone referred to Michael’s departure. The most emotional contestant this year, however, has to be Lucie Donlon.
She cried when Amy targeted her. She cried when Joe said she couldn’t be friends with boys. She cried she couldn’t have Tommy. She cried when she was happy for Tommy. And then she cried a whole bunch other times we can’t quite recall. While Twitter gave Lucie an inordinate amount of flack for filling the villa with tears most episodes, I found the 21-year-old’s ability to tap into her emotions something of a superpower.
Among the shortlisted, we have Amy’s leopard print number, Molly-Mae’s green snake print V-bar bikini, Anna’s underboob ensembles, Jordan’s animal print satin shorts, and pretty much anything sported by Curtis (those shiny purple hotpants will be seared on my brain for all eternity). However, Amber’s penchant for neon green bikinis involving arbitrary straps were the most eye assaulting. Then there was that purple ra-ra-inspired two-piece, which resulted in the disappearance of her torso.
MOST COVETABLE KIMONO
We’ve seen many people attempt to “wear” the now infamous blue floral kimono since its original owner departed. However, there was only one boy man enough to rock it within an inch of its existence and that was the recently ousted Chris. Chris’s ability to swan around the villa in said kimono while sporting a turban, before “salmoning” his ornate body art into the pool at warp speed, are among the most iconic and lasting images from this year’s series #wemisschris
While Danny ricocheted from Yewande, to Arabella, to Jourdan at breakneck speed, he didn’t exactly flip-flop on any decisions made. Anna went from Jordan, to Ovie then back to Jordan, but – in her defence – she was upfront the entire time.
Therefore, the award to the Biggest Flip-Flopper of 2019 must go to Scouse firefighter Michael Griffiths.
Here’s a potted history of sorts: First, Michael sat back. Then he decided he was into Amber. Then he wasn’t into Amber. Then he swapped Amber for Joanna almost immediately during Casa Amor. Then he didn’t like Amber at all. Then Joanna was dumped from the island. Then Michael liked Amber again.
In fact, everything he said about Joanna was meant for Amber, even though he said it to Joanna.
Thankfully, on account of Michael’s majestic flip-flopping, Amber saw through his web of nonsense and chose the lovely Greg O’Shea in favour of the man who made her miserable.
MOST GENUINE CONTESTANT
Two words: Tommy. Fury. He may be a boxer, but he’s all heart that boy.
INSTANTLY FORGETTABLE CONTESTANT
Shortlisted we have Callum, George and Marvin, not to mention all the randomers who didn’t make it past Casa Amor, but the winner has to be Elma. It’s almost as if Maura slow-moed her way into the villa solo.
Greg asking Curtis, “And what was your thought process behind that?” after he heard the questionable advice he gave Jordan regarding his impromptu pursuit of India. Greg, the hearts of Irish mammies across the nation have swelled with pride since you entered our lives.
Tom saying, “Yeah, it’ll be interesting to see if she’s all mouth.” It may have been one of the most sickening lines from the series, it resulted in viewers falling in love with Maura. Her blackballing response to Tom’s throwaway misogyny was a highlight of the series.
ISLANDER MOST USED AS A MEME
The Meme-makers loved Ovie and his uber-chilled vibe, thanks to his ability to blend into a beanbag while casually sucking on a Mr. Freeze. While Ovie was definitely a ‘mood’ on Twitter, Michael’s ‘CHALDISH’ moment has to win our most used meme accolade. Why? Because Twitter loves irony, of course.
Preened, honed and bald in all the wrong places, gym bunny Anton was 40pc GI Joe’s torso, 60pc Action Man from the waist down, and wore Ken’s eyebrows with 100pc pride.
MOST SURPRISING EXIT…
One could argue Amy’s shock departure warranted this accolade but I’d always thought it was always only a matter of time before she walked considering how Curtis gave her the runaround. While she left of her own accord, the same can’t be said for Sherif Lanre’s impromptu exit. One minute, he was merrily play-fighting with Molly-Mae, the next he was inadvertently booting her in the unmentionables and making reference to said incident in the most uncouth of terms. Did he deserve his expulsion? No idea, none of us were there.
One could argue it’s Jordan, what with him asking Anna to be his girlfriend, before attempting to relieve Ovie of yet another partner thanks to a sudden interest in India. However, I reckon Twitter would wager Curtis is 2019’s scaliest sort. After all, he’s the one creating the illusion of being squeaky clean…
MOST LIKELY TO WIN AN ARGUMENT
Forget being a qualified pharmacist, Anna needs to become a barrister at her earliest convenience. Her repeated ability to own someone in an argument was nothing short of mesmeric.
OVIE-ALL GODLIKE CONTESTANT
Everyone needs an Ovie in their life. Chilled, measured, amusing, and boasting multiple ways to cook eggs, Ovie made Ovie-aries (apologies) flutter among the six-million viewers during his short stint on the show. All hail Ovie ‘Paul’ Soko! We want a travel series featuring him shooting hoops and harpooning hearts across the globe as soon as ITV can manage it.
MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED
Maura made this series. No one can contest that fact. Her heady mix of beauty, brazenness, blunt truth bombs, and natural fizz ensures big things ahead. Like, perhaps a stint on I’m a Celebrity…, followed by her own mid-morning talk show. Watch this space.
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