“Penelope has serious anger issues that need to be addressed in therapy, but I would be angry too if my dad was dating someone young enough to get a spanking by Corey,” writes Nori’s Black Book.
The woman behind Nori’s Black Book — a viral parody Instagram account written entirely in the voice of Kim Kardashian’s sassy 6-year-old daughter — is bringing her talents to TooFab.
Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.
(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
Sunday’s episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" started with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe visiting their friend Kimora Lee Simmons’ new Korean spa in Beverly Hills. The girls were getting a Korean scrub with CBD. Khloe was hesitant because she heard a Korean scrub involved getting her butthole scrubbed, but Kimora assured her that wasn’t going to happen. Khloe ended up getting the treatment and loved it.
Kimora paid top dollar for this product placement. We also charged her an extra $10,000 to have Mommy call her a friend on camera. -NW
Later, Khloe talked to Kim about her therapy session with Tristan. She said she wanted to have a good coexisting relationship with him but that she couldn’t see herself being able to trust him again. During the therapy session, Tristan said that Khloe’s family made the Jordyn situation a big media thing. Khloe and Kim agreed they didn’t want it public. Khloe said that Tristan cheating would’ve become public anyway, but she was mainly offended with who he chose to cheat with. Khloe also revealed that Jordyn actually texted her and wanted to talk, but Khloe wasn’t really interested because she didn’t want her back in her life; however, Khloe wanted to check in with Kylie first before she made her decision.
Tristan should be happy we did make this a media thing. Let’s be honest, he’s not that good at basketball, and this scandal bought him another season with the Cavs. The drama is good for ticket sales. You’re welcome. -NW
Kris and Khloe met at the Kylie Cosmetics offices. Kris brought up that she had been having issues with Kim’s new security and that they had been asking her for ID. Kris said she felt Kim’s security was more like a Navy Seal team. She thought the family should be able to come and go more easily. Khloe explained to her that if she used the front door and not try to come in through the backyard, she could get all the clearance she wanted to go into Kim’s house.
It doesn’t matter what door Kris uses, I gave the security team strict rules not let her on the property. If we don’t have a meeting, there’s absolutely no reason for her to be at my house. She recently hopped the fence, so I’m having barbed wired installed next week. -NW
Elsewhere, Kourtney was trying to get her kids ready for dinner. They were misbehaving, talking back and barking commands at her. Khloe was at her house witnessing the kids’ behavior and was visibly uncomfortable. She tried to get Reign to speak more respectfully to Kourtney, with little-to-no luck.
I’m really glad this episode exposed the Disick kids for the savages they are. This is what happens when you take gluten out of the home. -NW
Khloe did press and photo shoots for Kylie Skin. At the shoot, Khloe invited Kylie to wine tasting in Napa. Khloe thought it would be the perfect time to have a heart to heart with her. Khloe recalled how fun wine tasting was with Kris, so she decided to invite her as well.
Later, Kourtney got a call from Mason’s school’s principal. Mason tried to initiate a fight with another kid. Kourtney wanted to get his side of the story before she decided if he should or shouldn’t be allowed to go to a friend’s house for a sleepover, and after talking to him, she decided not to punish him because of his honesty.
When Kourtney called Scott to tell him about Mason’s incident at school, Scott was concerned and thought the incident was very serious, especially for his age. Scott didn’t think he should be allowed to be at a friend’s house for a sleepover given his behavior. He explained that growing up, he never had any consequences for his actions, so that’s the one thing he wanted to change with his kids.
The last thing we need is another little Scott running around here. I’m begging Auntie Kourt to discipline Mason so that one day I don’t have to appear on some sad spin-off show where he’s pretending to flip houses. -NW
Kim visited her plastic surgeon for an appointment to do Emsculpting. It basically stimulates crunches without having to actually do crunches. Kourtney met her at her appointment and asked Kim about her new security. Kourtney said the security asked her for name and almost asked her to sign an NDA. Kim said because of the robberies in the area, they beefed up security and got a new system. Kim admitted it was excessive, but because of the robbery in Paris, this is what she wanted to make her feel safe.
I’ve also given my security strict instructions to confiscate any gluten-free trash Auntie Kourt tries to bring into the house. I almost called the police on her when she smuggled in gluten-free pizza. -NW
In Napa, Kris, Khloe, and Kylie went wine tasting. Khloe had a heart to heart with Kylie about Jordyn. Khloe said that she realized Kylie lost a friend and she felt bad about that. She just wanted Kylie to be happy. Kylie said she felt like the situation needed to happen for everyone involved. Kylie felt like a part of her needed to grow without Jordyn. She said she still loved Jordyn but that she was going with the flow and was happy.
Stormi is still pretty upset about the whole thing. She lost a mom because of the situation. -NW
Kris, Corey, Kourtney, Scott, and Kim went to Nobu to celebrate Jonathan legally changing his name to Food God. Kim brought up that everyone thinks Khloe stole Tristan from his other baby’s mama and that she also stole French Montana from Trina. Kim wanted to set the record straight, so she FaceTimed French Montana at the table. Kim asked him about Khloe stealing him from Trina. French said he was never with Trina when he pursued Khloe.
Later, Kourtney told everyone that she didn’t have a nanny anymore because Penelope got upset and scratched the nanny in the face. Kourtney said that Penelope can get out of control and can black out when does those types of wild things. Corey wanted to know if it was okay to "pop" her daughter. Kourtney said no and felt the nanny should have said something to her in the moment. Kris told Kourtney this was serious and that she needed to get a handle on it before it got out of control. Kourtney said there was nothing she could take away physically from Penelope, like she could with Mason, for discipline.
Corey chimed in and said, "If P scratch me for no reason, I’m whooping her ass and I’ll explain it to y’all later." Scott was outraged when he heard this, but Corey didn’t back down. He maintained that he would absolutely give Penelope a spanking if she scratched him. This infuriated Scott even more because Scott didn’t feel Corey should be talking about any children like that, let alone his only daughter, who is 6. Corey said he wouldn’t hit her to hurt her, adding that whippings are the discipline. Scott continued to lose his mind.
Kourtney said that Corey would never be alone with her kids, and if he were to ever spank them in front of the family, there would be major issues. Kourtney and Scott abruptly left the restaurant. Kim left with them because she didn’t have another ride. Kris started crying because she thought Corey was in a good place with everyone, but she was wrong.
At Kim’s house, Jonathan and Kim discussed the fight between Cory, Scott and Kourtney. Kim said that it’s hard to tell someone how to discipline their kids but that she and Khloe talk all the time about how Kourtney doesn’t discipline her kids at all. Meanwhile at Khloe’s house, Kourtney and Khloe discussed the fight as well. Kourtney said Scott was still pissed. Corey tried to call Kourtney and Scott, but they weren’t answering his calls. Kim and Khloe said that Corey didn’t use his words right and that he should’ve said, "If it were my kid, I would…" Khloe and Kourtney talked to Scott on the phone and said that Corey did not mean if Penelope was his own kid, he was talking about Penelope specifically.
Penelope has serious anger issues that need to be addressed in therapy, but I guess I would be angry too if my dad was dating someone young enough to get a spanking by Corey. For the record Corey has never spanked me, but I did see him take off his belt when Sofia talked back to him at the Christmas party. Mommy and DadYe don’t spank me. You can’t spank someone that’s paying half the mortgage. -NW
Later in the car, Kim got a frantic call from Khloe. Kris could be heard moaning and groaning in pain in the background of the call. Khloe informed Kim that her security had tackled Kris and that she needed to rush back to her house. Kim was in shock and wanted to know what happened. Khloe told her all the details and quickly got off the phone to help her mom. Kim checked the surveillance videos from her phone and the video confirmed Khloe’s story. Kim rushed to her backyard to find Kris on a stretcher. Kim seemed distraught while Kris was telling her about her neck. Khloe finally told Kris to tell Kim what was going on, so Kris confessed that it was all a prank. Khloe hired a stunt woman for the surveillance video. Kris said the purpose of her prank was to show Kim that her team needed to let up on her family members. Kim said she could have all the clearance she wants.
Kris is so desperate. After this little stunt she pulled, she was banned from the house for a month. As a compromise, I have given her a temporary badge with limited access. She is now permitted in the backyard, the living room, one downstairs bathroom and the kitchen. Common spaces only. If she goes into a bedroom or attempts to make her way upstairs, I will have her arrested. -NW
At Kris’ house, Corey and Kourtney talked while Kim played mediator. Kourt said she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. Corey said he didn’t want to discipline her kids. Corey said in his confessional that whipping your kids is a cultural expression African-Americans use when talking about disciplining kids. However, since he doesn’t have kids, he said he wouldn’t be disciplining anyone else’s. He hoped everyone could just move on.
At Kourtney’s house, Kourtney and Scott talked about everyone being critical about their parenting. Scott said having a big family means more people judging you. Kourtney and Scott felt they were doing a good job so far with their parenting and noted they were on the same page. They reviewed and finalized the kids’ chore chart to give their kids positive reinforcement.
It’s amazing that these two think chores is the answer to fixing their violent kids. Sushi has more discipline, and he does’t do a single chore. I hope Scott and Auntie Kourt know that are not saving money for their kids’ college tuition; they are saving bail money. -NW
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on E!
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