Trump’s Achilles Mouth Keeps Him in Trouble, Colbert Says

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‘The Idiod’

On Tuesday, a White House official who listened to President Trump’s call with Ukraine’s president referred to the conversation as “crazy” and “frightening,” which Jimmy Fallon pointed out got “the same review as ‘Zombieland 2.’”

“But that’s just the tip of the dumb-berg, because Trump’s calls with foreign leaders have long worried aides, leaving some ‘genuinely horrified.’ So, these former aides were horrified, but they’re just telling us now? Well, it’s like the signs say: If you see something, say something two years after we could do anything about it.’” —STEPHEN COLBERT

“The whistle-blower went on to say that the official was visibly shaken by what had transpired. That must have been some phone call. Apparently, no one has seen a White House staffer that shaken up since Trump forced Mike Pence to watch the Elton John movie.” — JIMMY FALLON

“He says the whistle-blower owes him an apology. He said the whistle-blower’s lawyer is a big Democrat. Which, you know who else was a big Democrat? Donald Trump, like 12 years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Not only is Trump lashing out, he’s now demanding an apology from everyone involved in the impeachment. Then women, minorities, the disabled, Mexico and Puerto Rico were like, ‘You first.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“In the end, Trump may be defeated by his greatest weakness: his Achilles mouth. It’s all detailed in the epic poem ‘The Idiod.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Impirchment Wirch Hunt Edition)

“The tweets started coming so fast, he even misspelled one of his favorite words. [As Trump] ‘A Total Scam by the Do Nothing Democrats. For the good of the Country, this Wirch Hunt should end now!’ He’s right. This is a total wirch hunt. And you are Vladimir Putin’s birch, too, while we’re at it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“And Trump may be losing his mind, because then he followed up by tweeting, ‘Ermagherd, it’s a fake news a wirch hunt. The ferds should fercus on Hillary’s er-mails. Lerck her erp!” — JIMMY FALLON

“This is like the millionth time Trump has tweeted about a witch hunt. You would think at this point he just has to type a ‘w’ and his computer will just auto-fill-in the rest.” — JAMES CORDEN

The Bits Worth Watching

Howard Stern used his Wednesday night appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” to re-propose to his wife.

David Spade’s mom shares her review of his show so far.

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

John Oliver and Amy Sedaris will team up to interview Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.”

Also, Check This Out

Liz Phair’s new memoir, “Horror Stories,” details the “Exile in Guyville” artist’s perceived failures and lessons learned, but not so much about her experiences specific to being a musician.

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