The 50 Funniest Poop Horror Stories Of All Time

Throughout the years, we’ve asked the BuzzFeed Community for their wildest, funniest, and most awkward poop horror stories.

From diarrhea mishaps to anal sex disasters, here are the hilariously shitty results.

1.This drive-thru catastrophe:

I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru and felt the urge to poop. Another car was behind me, so I was trapped. The urge was getting stronger, but the cars in front weren’t moving. I pulled my car up a spot and ordered. That’s when I knew it was over. I unbuckled and put a towel under me. I was half-crying and half-laughing when my sphincter gave out. Liquid shit spilled from my bum, with no signs of stopping. I had to sit in my poop pants while waiting for the cars in front to go. The stench was unbearable, and the shame still eats at me today.

—maliaab

2.This crappy test:

It was the morning of my AP Chemistry exam. I was at McDonald’s, and I thought I had to fart, but I ended up crapping my pants. I waddled by several clothing stores around me in hopes of buying fresh underwear, but none of them were open yet. I knew I couldn’t be late for my test, so I couldn’t go home to change. I had to sit in my own poop throughout the entire AP exam, which I ended up failing.

—ashlyns4cb642079

3.This anal adventure:

I was seeing a guy who was really into anal sex, but I hadn’t tried it yet. He came over, and things started to get hot. My bowels instantly reacted to his penis up my butt, and I started pooping all over him. It got on his legs, privates, hands, everywhere. Luckily he’s a nurse and had seen worse. We cleaned up and for some reason decided to go for round two. He used my vibrator on me, and as I climaxed the same thing happened: I was pooping, but I didn’t even know it. It was like water. Just liquid shit. Never eat Chinese food before having anal sex for the first time.

—quarterhorse411

4.This ~craps~ table:

My mom was a card game dealer in a casino. Dealers aren’t allowed to leave the table unless another employee comes to take over for them. Unfortunately my mom REALLY had to go, but she couldn’t leave until she was tapped out, for security reason. Her replacement was late, so she ended up pooping herself in her uniform while dealing a card game. Luckily she can laugh about it now.

—z4f2bb6572

5.This maze mishap:

I was on a solo vacation in England and visited a castle. I strolled through the gardens and came across one of those elaborate garden mazes made of 7-feet-high bushes. I was having a grand old time until my stomach turned. I tried to get out of the maze quickly, but it was too complicated, and time was limited. As soon as I felt a turtle head pop out of my asshole, I backed my butt into the bush wall and unloaded a huge crap. I shoved some leaves into my butt and pinched for the rest of the way out, but I kept getting lost. It took me 20 minutes to get out of the maze and back to the castle so I could properly finish and clean up.

—jahudak

6.This shitty run:

While getting back into pre-pregnancy shape, I went on a run with my twins in their stroller. I suddenly felt my stomach drop into my asshole. My run turned into a walk. I hovered near a curb while I shat my brains out into my compression shorts. I panicked and called my husband. He slowly drove by me, laughing. Then we realized he couldn’t even help me because the car seats weren’t in his car. I had to walk all the way home with my twins, with fresh shit dripping down my legs, and my husband had to hose me off in the yard.

—dionafloresa

7.This walk of shame:

I met up with a guy from Grindr, and he had the biggest penis I’d ever seen. I had to take his penis out of my ass because it hurt so bad, and he said, “Damn, you made a mess.” I saw what looked like a gallon of beef stew, and the smell soon followed. He started puking all down my back, and it ran into my hair, eyes, his bed, and the floor. His sister knocked on the door to see what was going on, and he started freaking out. He ran into the bathroom while I, still covered in poop and puke, tried to put on my clothes. It was impossible to leave with any dignity.

—DutchMN

8.This awkward experience:

My boyfriend and I were kayaking, and I suddenly had to take a massive shit. We were several miles from the end of our run, so I told my boyfriend we had to pull over NOW. I pulled off on the bank, ripped my shorts down, and let it all go. After feeling massive relief, I looked down to see that I had pooped in my shorts AND on my shoes. I was so ashamed, and all my boyfriend could do was point and laugh.

—m4438d2dc9

9.This terrifying date:

I had ulcerative colitis and was at dinner with a very new boyfriend. I excused myself to the restroom and barely opened the door before my colon basically exploded. Have you ever seen a bathroom where there was poop everywhere and you wondered “how does this even happen?” Well, I know how it can happen. I got poop all over the toilet, the floor, my legs, somehow my arm, my dress, and even on the wall.

I took a deep breath and surveyed the literal shit show. I took off my dress and let water run over it. I was bare-ass naked, except for sandals, in the bathroom as I wiped up my splatter around the toilet as best I could. I scrubbed myself down, wrung out my dress, and went back to my boyfriend. Somehow he didn’t notice. When I told him the story years later, he asked why I didn’t call him to help. That man is now my husband.

—dieselr

10.This drunken disaster:

I drank waaaay too much at a bar and stopped to get McDonald’s. I then walked to a friend’s house, got into their bathroom, and for some reason I decided to take a bath. I sat in the warm tub with my underwear on while eating McDonald’s. I guess I got too comfortable because I fell asleep and woke up two hours later in freezing water, with lettuce, a disintegrated bun, and a hamburger floating around me. That’s when I noticed that I also pooped myself. Not my finest moment.

—tvaazl

11.This urgent unleashing:

A year ago I got salmonella, so I went to urgent care near my apartment. I was severely dehydrated, so a nurse hooked me up to an IV. While inserting the needle, I told her I needed to poop. She asked, “Right now?” I urgently said yes. I stood up, and my bowels unleashed the gates of hell. I pooped my soul out in a matter of seconds. The nurse called for reinforcements, and both nice ladies helped me clean up the shit from my body and the floor. We threw out my contaminated clothes, and they gave me two hospital gowns to cover up. I had to waddle home, looking like a mad man who just escaped from the hospital.

—santanah3

12.This clogged drain:

I was staying at my new boo’s place and REALLY had to poop, so I did what any girl would: I pretended to shower so I could do the deed in peace. His toilet was literally broken, and I couldn’t hold it in, so I had to SHIT IN HIS SHOWER. He kept asking through the door if I was okay, so I kept insisting I didn’t feel well and was “letting the water run over me” — but I was actually trying to shove the poop down his shower drain. It was a disaster.

—kaylanw

13.This mommy nightmare:

I was standing on the porch and decided to let out a silent one, but I heard a splat on the ground behind me. I turned around and saw my worst fear: a gigantic plop of diarrhea. The trail filled up my shorts and led down the back of my leg. I waddled through the house and ordered my 9-year-old out (I couldn’t have her see her mother like that). I jumped into the shower, clothes and all, but was too late. My daughter saw the back of my shorts. She followed the poop trail and came racing back to laugh hysterically at my expense.

—anicole2005

14.This smushed shower:

I got drunk and had my boyfriend pick me up from a party. I proceeded to vomit the whole car ride home, out the window and onto peoples’ lawns. When I got back to his house we noticed I smelled really bad and that I shat my pants. I was wearing stockings so it was smushed everywhere. He had to give me a shower. I was so drunk and was crying, saying, “please don’t break up with me!”

—arielleb41

15.This exploding toilet:

I was on a flight and had to use the bathroom. Five days worth of spicy Costa Rican food came shooting out of me, filling the toilet nearly to the brim. If you look at most airplane toilets, there’s a picture telling you to close the lid prior to flushing. I did not heed this warning. I flushed and suddenly found myself covered in diarrhea. It was as if a bomb had exploded in the bowl. There was diarrhea on the ceiling, on every wall, and all over me. I did my best to clean up, but nothing could hide the stench when I returned to my seat.

—golf46

16.These party poopers:

My family and I were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. I had eaten Denny’s that morning and, all of a sudden, I didn’t feel right. We were in a residential area, so with no bathroom in sight I saw a house for sale and scrambled to the backyard where I had the worst diarrhea of my life. My mom later joined me, as she had the same breakfast plate as well. As I was relieving myself, a realtor came out back and asked what I thought of the property.

—hollydamronc

17.This worst nightmare:

I worked in the ice cream shop of a small amusement park. I was weirdly gassy but was chillin’ because I was alone, so, like, lettin’ it go as needed. It started to get BAD. As I opened the window to hand a cone to a customer, I lost control of my butt muscles. I instinctively grabbed the stranger’s hand as I shit my pants. This was years ago, so I had to use a walkie-talkie to scream for backup. My boss ran over to the shop and asked what was wrong. I slid down the wall with tears in my eyes and quietly said “I just fucking shit my pants, dude.”

He called my mom, who told me I needed to DRIVE MYSELF home. I had to waddle from the ice cream shop, through the go-kart track, across the putt putt course, in front of all of the customers and cute boys who worked there, with poop in my pants. And then I had to sit IN MY OWN SHIT IN MY CAR for 20 minutes. Best day of my life.

—catherines4c735d23e

18.This zombie apoopcalypse:

I was playing a zombie in an independent movie. I wasn’t feeling well, and the small townhouse we were filming in was full of 30 people, so I got in my car to find a bathroom. I finally found a coffee shop, but it was too late: I already started pooping in my pants. I ran into the shop, screaming for the bathroom. The poor, old man at the counter was speechless and pointed to the back. When I got into the bathroom I realized I was still in full zombie makeup and probably almost gave the old man a heart attack.

—dwalsh

19.This shitty second date:

I was on a second date. We were driving back from dinner, and I felt my stomach cramp up. I pled for him to pull over on the interstate. He questioned if I was OK, but I couldn’t even answer because I was puckering my butt cheeks so tightly. Lo and behold, I shit my pants. Diarrhea overflowed and came up to my back, above my jeans. It was awful. But that man is now my husband.

—jacquelynnc

20.This paralyzed pooper:

I ran into 7-Eleven because I couldn’t hold on much longer. The feeling of unleashing that toxic foam was incredibly relieving, but I had pinched a nerve in my lower back when I sat down too fast (I have a moderate disc hernia). This hurried diarrhea squat rendered me paralyzed from the waist down. I couldn’t relieve the pressure on my nerve that caused the paralysis because that requires standing up, and I couldn’t stand up because I was paralyzed. The EMTs came to lift my naked ass off the toilet, and I regained feeling in my body.

—arlenroy

21.These wedding bowels:

My husband and I got married in Vegas. We headed back to the room, where he immediately fell asleep and I began throwing up and pooping at the same time, everywhere, still in my gown. I used every last piece of fabric in the suite — towels, pillow cases, the shower curtain — cleaned what I could, and threw it all out. The next year we returned for our anniversary and divinely wound up in the same room. We noticed the furniture was repositioned, so my husband moved the couch and said, “Hey! Your puke stain is still here!” Little does he know, that wasn’t a puke stain.

—alpacalips

22.This pool drainer:

I was five years old while on a family vacation, and my sister and I decided to go swimming. I really had to fart, so I swam to the side and let it rip. Big mistake. I had uncontrollable diarrhea in the pool. My mom had to carry me to the hotel bathroom as I leaked, and she bathed me because there was diarrhea everywhere. Long story short: they had to drain the hotel pool because of me.

—alyssaf49

23.This mac ‘n’ cheese mistake:

It was the first day of volleyball practice, and I ate an entire pot of mac ‘n’ cheese. We were running laps around the field, and I had to poop. The school was closed, so I’d have to do it in the woods. I moved as quickly as my clenched ass would take me, but there was nothing that could stop the watery mess that was exploding from my asshole. In a moment of complete horror I made a decision: I sat down. I was forced to sit in my own messy shit and explain to my coach that my soul died, and my mom had to come pick me up. Knowing that standing up would cause the poop to slide down my legs, I opted for a crab walk across the field to my mother’s car. Everyone knew why.

—k45b3f

24.This brown bath:

My stomach hurt, but every time I farted I felt a bit better. I decided to take a nice bath. I climbed in with my book, merrily farting away, and let out a couple farts that didn’t feel quite right. Turned out I had violent diarrhea in the tub. I frantically tried to get out, but of course I was sick and dizzy, slipped, hit my head, and dropped my book in the tub.

—merrissap

25.The slushy side effect:

I’d just started a new medication that gave me diarrhea as a side effect. I was on a beach date with my relatively new boyfriend when suddenly, I HAD to go. I jumped up, but it was too late. All I could do was sit in the sand and let out the most disgusting diarrhea I’d ever had. I was so embarrassed that I started crying, and my boyfriend had to call my mom to bring clean clothes. Thankfully, it didn’t scare him away — we just celebrated our five-year anniversary.

—rachelb40

26.This gooey finish:

After eating some really spicy pizza, I ended up having sex with my boyfriend. I was cumming and naturally all of my muscles were very relaxed, when I suddenly smelled something bad. I instinctively touched my behind and to my horror I felt some goo. I freaking shat on my boyfriend’s balls. I ran to the bathroom, crying. Luckily we were able to laugh about it.

—nannas47

27.This airplane tooter:

Halfway through my flight, I headed to the bathroom. Five days worth of spicy Costa Rican food came shooting out of me, filling the toilet nearly to the brim. If you look at most airplane toilets, there’s a graphic telling you to close the lid prior to flushing. I did not heed this warning. I flushed and suddenly found myself covered in diarrhea. It was as if a bomb had exploded in the bowl. There was diarrhea on the ceiling, on every wall, and all over me. I did my best to clean up, but nothing could hide the stench when I returned to my seat.

—golf46

28.This running farter:

My boyfriend and I were doing a popular workout DVD. I had been a little bubbly in the belly all day. We were running in place and I felt it safe to fart, but instead I literally shit right out of the side of my shorts, through my underwear, and onto our beige carpet. He was horrified.

—denoonie

29.This constipated camper:

I was at an all-girl’s camp, and of course we had a hot male leader. I was pretty constipated one day, so the nurse gave me something to help. Later on I went into the corner of the cafeteria to fart, only it wasn’t a fart. Shit ran down my legs and onto the floor. The hot male leader was coming, and I didn’t know what to do, so I opened a can of tomato sauce and dumped it on my lower body to make it seem like I spilled something. He totally knew, because the first thing he said was “did you poop?”

—oliviavincentk

30.This iconic Mary Poopins:

I saw Mary Poppins at our local performing arts center, and my stomach turned to knots. At each slight pause I prayed the curtains would drop, only to be horrified when another song started. Finally the curtains closed. I jumped from my seat and plowed through the people, where I was then stopped by some friends. I tightened my sphincter and put a fake smile on my green, sweaty face. I then booked it to the restroom. The toilet almost caught fire from my explosive ass. My mom followed the scent of nuclear waste mixed with stagnant pond sludge to find me miserably sitting with a flood of molten lava burning everything in its path. I looked as though I had survived war. May 14th will be solemnly remembered as the Day of the Brown Squirts; the day I contemplated squatting mid-aisle during a play; the day I learned that life is fleeting.

—idahopotato

31.This drunken disaster:

One time I was very drunk and had to use the bathroom. My friend was using the only toilet in the house, so for some reason I decided to poop in the bathtub. I finished my business, but as I tried to get up I fell backward into the tub and into my own poop. In my drunken state, I turned on the shower to try to clean myself and the bathtub, but the shower drain got clogged, creating a giant poop bath that circled around me. Cleaning that up was not fun.

—linds1991

32.This fast-food fiasco:

For some reason I thought it’d be a good idea to have coffee, Taco Bell, and White Castle during the three-hour drive to my parents’. I was five miles from their house when my stomach took a turn for the worse. I let out a relief toot and felt something unusual. I couldn’t wait anymore. I sped into a Target parking lot and ran into the store. I was full-on CROWNING. I rushed into a bathroom stall and exploded before my cheeks could even hit the seat. I looked down and saw full poop in my underwear. When I was done I bought new underwear and cried as I drove to my parents’ house. They asked how the drive was. I said “fine.” That’s when I farted one last time and accidentally shit on their floor.

—joshk41e65fd04

33.This double whammy:

Last month I was outside with my dog while he went to the bathroom. It suddenly hit me that I also needed to go number two, like, now! I clenched my butt as hard as I could. We ran inside and made it just a few feet from the bathroom before I shit myself. I was only wearing boxers, so my shit ran all the way down my legs and onto the floor. While shamefully cleaning up the mess, the smell triggered my gag reflexes and made me puke. There I was, sitting on the floor, naked, covered in my own shit and puke, as my mom pulled up and honked from the driveway to take me to the farmer’s market.

—brantw3

34.This maid of horror:

I was the maid of honor at my best friend’s wedding. I spent the week before taking care of my flu-infested boyfriend, but I showed no symptoms. We all lined up to take pictures with the bride, and I suddenly started to feel ill. I sneezed once, and I immediately started to feel something drip down my leg. I looked down, and my leg was covered in poop. I had to run away and wipe it off, and the whole night I couldn’t get over the fact that I pooped myself in my bridesmaid’s dress. The professional pictures bring back memories that I will never forget, for more reasons than one.

—jessicar4af27deea

35.This unforgettable honeymoon:

My husband and I were on our honeymoon. I was on medication that made stuff happen, uh, a lot faster than you’d hope. We were two blocks from our rental flat when I told my husband that I had to go NOW. We walked home on icy sidewalks as quickly as my butt allowed. As soon as we unlocked the front door, I felt it. I did everything I could to clench, but it all came forth like an explosion of hot lava. I crouched down, crying, saying “IT’S HAPPENING,” like I was in Bridesmaids. We got upstairs and I finished in the bathroom as my AMAZING husband cleaned my pants out with his hands. It definitely wasn’t how we expected our honeymoon to go, but you can’t deny that THAT’S love.

—ericachericew

36.This chocolate surprise:

When I was little, I found a package of chocolate laxatives in our fridge. I thought it was candy, so of course I ate the whole box. There was an immediate gurgle in my stomach, and the next thing I knew I was filling my pants with poop. I didn’t even have time to make it to the toilet. I ended up running through the entire house to the bathroom, crying, with poop spraying out of my butt. It went everywhere. Never again.

—Jacki Demchak, Facebook

37.This vacation mishap:

My family and I were on a vacation in Egypt. I felt sick all day, so as soon as we got to the tombs I ran into the bathroom, bypassing the lady who was handing out toilet paper. I rushed into a stall, and my ass EXPLODED on the toilet. I kept yelling for my sister to get me toilet paper, but apparently you have to pay for each square in public restrooms there. She ended up spending $4 on toilet paper. Two hours later, after we finished our tour and walked by the lobby, I saw a “closed for maintenance” sign on the toilet I used. My ass literally broke an Egyptian national monument.

—ameliam4c296e64b

38.This snowy dusting:

Last winter I worked at a ski resort. After I got onto the chairlift and headed up the mountain to go to work, I somehow managed to shit my pants. I had to ride all the way back down the mountain while shit seeped down my legs and into my snowboard boots. I spent the next hour cleaning myself up in the bathroom and creating an elaborate excuse as to why I smelled like shit and was so late for work.

—j4027d275a

39.This student’s nightmare:

I was in the middle of an exam at school when my stomach howled out. I bolted for the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to let the majority flow out, except for one hard bit at the end. No matter how hard I pushed, this little poop nugget just wouldn’t come out. I wiped anyway, and I accidentally smeared poop EVERYWHERE – all over my hand, the waistband of my pants, the hem of my shirt. It took half a roll of toilet paper to clean off my ass and clothes the best I could, and then I had to wash my hands. That’s when my teacher walked in to check on me, just in time to see me scrape poop out from under my nails with a pencil in the sink.

—pks0

40.This sleepless setback:

I was Black Friday shopping with my mom in a mall, running on two hours of sleep and a cup of coffee. We were walking through the mall when I suddenly felt an awful pain in my intestines. I stopped in the middle of the hall and felt the horror start to seep out of my asshole. I turned completely white, to the point where my mom got worried, and all I could say was that I needed a bathroom NOW. We ran to a nearby Best Buy, leaving a trail of poop along the way, and I had to clean myself up while my mom bought me a new pair of underwear.

—e49956a651

41.This shitty date:

I went to a fancy restaurant with a guy I had been seeing for a few months. In the middle of dinner I had what I thought was a small bit of gas. I tried to slyly release it, but it turned out to be liquid diarrhea. I sat there and tried not to panic, but I felt it spreading. I had my white jacket on the back of my chair, so I snuck it down to my waist. I excused myself to the restroom where I had explosive diarrhea. Once it dissipated, I took off the dress to inspect the damage. There was a softball-sized brown mark on the back. I dipped the spot in the toilet and let it soak, and luckily it came out. My now-naked body ran from the stall to the sink for a handful of soap. I washed the spot until the stain went away, then dried it the best I could. I somehow made it back to the table in time for no questions. I ended up dating the guy for a couple years, but I never found out if he knew. To this day, over 15 years later, I still have the dress.

—mariselat2

42.This slushy mess:

I had just gotten home from eating spicy chicken fingers at a restaurant. I was talking to my mom in the kitchen when I felt a gurgle in my stomach. I let out what I thought would be a fart, but I actually sharted in my pants. I waddled up the stairs to take off my shit-filled underwear and clean myself up. When I got out of the shower I heard my mom scream. My dog got into the bag with my shit-filled underwear and had dragged them all around the house, spilling poop all over the place. There were brown stains everywhere.

—kimberlyz

43.This Grindr kerfuffle:

I invited a guy from Grindr over. I found out he liked to be tied up, so, being the people-pleasing, awkward turtle I am, I obliged. I was on top and felt a pain in my stomach. I figured I just needed to change positions, so I got off. When I did, I felt something warm, and then I smelled it: I got diarrhea all over his crotch. There was an awkward silence, and then I ran to the bathroom, but I FORGOT HE WAS STILL TIED UP. It took 10 minutes to get myself together until I could untie him. We haven’t spoken since, except for the time he asked me to Venmo him $60 to pay for his underwear that I pooped on.

—anthonyw16

44.This airport calamity:

I’ve always hated using public bathrooms, but I was stuck at the airport and really needed to poop. I did my business and was feeling better, but I looked down and saw a bloody floater! My poop wouldn’t go down, and it was a busy bathroom so I didn’t want to leave the stall. I covered my poop up with toilet paper and left. Problem solved, right? Wrong. I don’t know why, but this poop freaked me out, so I later went back into the stall and tried to fish out my floating poop and stuff it in the trash. That didn’t work, so I just kept flushing. Luckily it went down, but my hands smelled disgusting. Naturally the only solution I could think of was to roll on my deodorant all over my hands.

—foxyfoxfoxfox

45.This heroic mother:

When my brother was younger, he went to his friend’s house with my mom. He entered the bathroom and called out to my mom a few minutes later. Apparently his poop was so long and thick that it wouldn’t flush, so my mom had to go in there and slice up his poop with an aluminum foil paper until it all flushed down.

—k03

46.This smelly road trip:

I pooped my pants in a farting contest in the car on a road trip when I was, like, seven. My mom would not pull over, so I had to ride standing up with shit in my pants for 30 minutes.

—Sarah Gotham, Facebook

47.This H2Noooooooo:

It was my freshman year of college, and I had the most beautiful lab partner in my Chemistry class. One day during lab, my stomach was rumbling. I thought it was just gas, so I ignored it as my lab TA gave the instructions. Finally the lab started, and so did my stomach. I had the urge to go NOW. I told my gorgeous lab partner I would be right back, and I ran to the closest bathroom, which was downstairs in the basement. I squeezed my cheeks, holding my butt together as tightly as I could. I swung the stall door open, and right before I sat down I shit my gray yoga pants. I was mortified. I cleaned myself up and somehow got the courage to go upstairs, where I told my lab partner I threw up and had to go home. I had to walk across campus in my shit-covered pants. That class will forever haunt my dreams.

—stephaniemariec4d4a5cbeb

48.This liquid volcano:

I wasn’t feeling great, so I decided to visit my paramedic boyfriend at work. As I pulled into the station, I felt everything in my intestines turn to liquid. I frantically called him to let me in, but he was too slow. I got out of my car and went into the wooden box where they kept the dumpsters. I pulled down my pants, and a liquid volcano of evil blasted out of me. I sheepishly walked back to my car to find some napkins to clean up with. My boyfriend finally came out, so I lied and said I threw up by the dumpster. He went to look and could tell I did much more than just puke, so he gave me a kiss and told me to go home to lay down. Ladies, marry a man who will still kiss you even after you shit your brains out next to a dumpster at his work!

—courtneyl4a633ab3f

49.This infected penis:

This guy and I were friends with benefits, and one day we were getting a little freaky. We decided to try anal, and I got poop on his dick. That’s not even the worst part. For months, he had an infection in his penis because of it. I still feel awful, and it’s been years.

—haleys414

50.And this diabolical genius:

I was in college and on antibiotics, which were wreaking havoc on my digestive system. After a party I ended up at my crush’s dorm room. I kept everything above the waist, for fear of losing control over my intestinal muscles. He suggested I sleep over, which I unwisely agreed to. Once I was sure he was asleep, I very carefully parted my butt cheeks to release the most silent fart possible, but liquid hell came out. I could feel my skirt and underwear barely holding the mess. He woke up, blissfully unaware of what just happened two inches from his, um, package. I needed to escape, so in my poop-induced panic I gave him a hand job as a distraction and then left. I walked home with liquid shit running down my legs. Ended up dating the guy for three years.

—mauram42


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